My journey with Tantric Thelema began very spontaneously, on a windy night in Dec 2014 when in a state of trance I suddenly channeled Ra-Hoor-Khuit. I described this event in one of my previous articles. I attach a link here. I was fascinated to discover it. It’s a set of ideas that combines two of my favourite philosophies- Thelema and Buddhism.
I’m aware it is impossible to explain an entire concept in one, or even a few articles, which is why I found it so hard to force myself to write anything. Perhaps readers need to do their own research. A big chunk of the book on Tantric Thelema is available online- I attach a link here. You may also want to look at this blog before you read any further. Instead of explaining what Tantric Thelema is, I decided to describe what it meant for me. I’m going to start with the first major concept.
Union of the Opposites
My fascination in Buddhism is already known to all Kia readers. I’d like to add something about Taoism and its most famous symbol Taijitu. Taijitu symbolizes union of the opposites- yin and yang- dark and light, cold and warm etc. It is a symbol of duality and interdependence. If everything in the world was dark, we wouldn’t call it dark. Darkness would be everything. When a spark of light appears in the darkness, it creates division- light and dark become opposites. That’s how ancients believed the world was created. First ONE became TWO, but then it became THREE- two opposites and a third element- union of the opposites. Then they became FOUR- the ONE, the TWO and THREE combined. Same ideas can be found in Kabbalah.
Let’s look at the first division- yin and yang. Main difference between “Eastern” and “Western” modes of thinking is an understanding of the constant flow and change of things. In our world we tend to think of opposites as fixed. Male and female, cold and warm, fast and slow as though we were looking at two opponents. We forget that nothing is fixed in place.
Let’s take an example of speed. A bicycle is fast when compared to a walking pace. It is slow compared to a car though. On its own is neither slow or fast. It needs something to compare to. That’s how yin and yang are in constant flow, yin becomes yang and yang becomes yin. Only constant is the change itself.
Next idea that’s important to discuss is the trinity, yin and yang united as one which becomes three. That’s a lot more abstract concept and it’s a lot harder to explain it with words. For me personally it took a few years. I was about 15 when I first discovered Taoism, but the trinity was revealed to me over four years later, through sexual magick.
When you look at Taijitu itself it resembles caduceus seen from above or even a strand of DNA. That’s not a coincidence. It’s a secret of life present in our minds for centuries. When male and female unite in a sexual act their energies mix with each other. Ancient Hindu believed the world to be an effect of sexual union between two lovers- Shiva and Shakti. I suspect that that’s what yin and yang really mean. And when it comes to sex, it’s very easy to see how the the Union becomes Trinity. Just like in original legends when a spark of light enters the darkness and the world is created, so the sperm enters the egg creating a new life form. This new life form itself is a mixture of the two opposites , which can later find its own companion to combine with.This principle can be found everywhere in the natural world including nature of the mind itself. Sometimes ideas pop in our heads like a “spark of genius” You can experience conception, growth and birth of an idea inside of your mind. That’s what Sam Webster’s idea was in his book- to guide you through that kind experience. Meditations described in his book identify Nuit- the Infinite Space as the Void from which everything emerges and where it comes back after death. Hadit is the spark of light that enters the Void. The two lovers Nuit and Hadit united give birth to a new being- Ra-Hoor-Khuit. Ra-Hoor-Khuit will be discussed later, not enough space for this here.
These meditations are highly ecstatic and it’s worth adding that conception is not necessary for the act to feel very fulfilling. We can enjoy sex by itself as the dance of two energies. It’s not a coincidence that Taijitu looks like a 69 figure, a sexual act that will never lead to conception.
Sexual magick meditations help you to experience flow of energy and therefore gain some insights in the nature of the world. The whole world can be seen as a sexual act of a kind. When you breathe, you give out carbon dioxide that is later absorbed by the trees. Trees give out oxygen, which comes back to your lungs. In a similar way the energy of two lovers flows from one body to another. Two lovers in a 69 position form a circle, like Ouroboros symbolizing continuity of time. Seasons change from one to the other in a never ending cycle of changes. Day becomes night, night becomes day There’s a constant exchange, constant interdependence.
We think of each other as totally separate entities, when in fact we are made out of particles endlessly circling in space. These particles form our cells. Each cell has a life of its own, breathing, eating and multiplying to form larger organisms, each one made out of cells, each one made out of particles. Everything is connected and we are all ONE- parts of ONE universe.
You can actually experience it. You can feel your own body dissolve and combine with the Universe. You can go beyond space and time, traveling to edge of the Universe, whilst never leaving your house, even when trapped inside a prison cell.
That’s the blessing of meditation and high spiritual states that most people never get to experience. It gives you power and freedom of mind where nothing can touch you, not even physical death as the whole Universe lives inside you, when you are the Universe.
After my kundalini awakening I spent over two months in a state of high ecstasy. I have also experienced it a few times during LSD trips. The whole world seemed like constant movement of ever- present love making.
On a smaller scale I’ve experienced very blissful states during meditations. My personal preference is to masturbate in order to induce an ecstatic trance and then to study flow of energy inside my own body. There’s no exchange with a physical lover, therefore I invite deities to join me. I find masturbation easier than actual sex because you don’t need to synchronize yourself with a partner and it’s easier for me to fall into trance this way. I’m sure with a trained lover it would feel even better. Sex on LSD or ketamine can bring you this kind of experience where borders between your and your partner’s body become fluid. One time during LSD trip I felt as though it was me who had a penis and I could feel it entering me as though I was on the outside of my vagina. Borders between mine and my partner’s body melted until the whole world became a mixture of swirling fractals. It felt like a glimpse of nirvana. With ketamine I frequently experienced myself leaving my body and once again melting with the things around me. One time I was rolling on a bed with two friends who were making out with each other. Our bodies melted into a strange three headed organism and I could feel an orgasm exploding deep inside me. Seconds later I regained consciousness only to see that nobody was even touching me. It was incredible.
One may ask what’s the point of all this? Isn’t it just another form of pleasure seeking? Yes and no. First of all ecstasy in itself is a powerful healing tool. I mean ecstasy of all kinds – sexual, chemical or spiritual. Good sex can help you to increase your sense of well- being and boost up your confidence. Strong ecstatic states are core of shamanic experiences of all kind, bringing element of beauty and awe to your life. They can help you to rewire your brain, erase past traumas, give you strength and bring back natural joy of existence. These states help you also to regain your connection with the outside world. We can see ourselves as parts/cells of a larger organism- planet Earth’s biosphere. We can understand how our environment is shaping us and how we shape our environment.
I admit things are not looking very promising at the moment. Climate on our planet is changing on a global scale. Some experts claim that change is unstoppable at this point. Thousands of animal and plant species go extinct each year. It is possible that humans will join them. On top of that we created imbalance of wealth where thousands of people starve to death and die of curable diseases only because they have no access to medication. At the same time rich classes become more and more powerful exploiting the rest. When you realise your own entanglement in all this you may become very depressed. On the other hand you’re still part of it whether you want to see it or not.
We live in the world where sense of community and solidarity with others is almost non-existent. We’re divided into small family units, each family fighting their own corner. We rarely know our neighbours. Most of us feel constantly threatened and we seek comfort in bank loans and insurance policies that give us false sense of security. Why is it easier to trust institutions than to rely on our friends? We find it easier to share bed with a stranger than to share bank account with a family member. We are greedy and selfish.
All of this could change if we understood that nothing in this world is ours, not even our bodies. It’s all temporary. We’re like waves on the ocean that forget the ocean. That’s why we suffer so much.
The experience of ecstatic union helps to free your mind from pain and fear. That is why free love is so important to me just now. I consider sex to be one of my main magical tools. I believe it can free us from prejudice and control. It can help us to regain sense of belonging, make us feel like a family with rest of the human kind. When you free your mind from social conditioning imposed by monotheistic religions, you will understand that nobody has the right to own your body and you have no right to own anyone else’s. Whole idea of monogamy is a pitiful attempt to keep us in chains. When you think of your partner as your property you take away their natural freedom.
My husband and I are currently polyamorous. We have a wide circle of friends where we all sleep with each other. We organise ecstatic orgies playing and having fun with each other. I know quite a few people whom I managed to inspire. They have never thought that sex without jealousy and possessiveness was an option. Think how many wars and personal tragedies could be avoided if we got rid of jealousy and possessiveness. Imagine the world where all of this could be erased, where your friends were your lovers…
Ok, now I sound like a total hippie. I’m aware of this. Hippie revolution didn’t succeed, you might say. I’ve spent many years wondering why they have failed. I think I know the answer- even the most ecstatic trances and illuminations will not lead to a profound change unless there’s someone out there to direct it. You might spend hours, even days laying in your bed in an ecstatic bliss whilst your bills are left unpaid, food in your fridge rots and soon enough you land on the street, broke and homeless.
Most of the original hippies were brought up in wealthy families. They had no skills to build homes, grow veg or hunt. They were constantly intoxicated, chasing the bliss without any further purpose in it. This is why we need to find embodiment for the bliss. That’s why Nuit and Hadit give birth to Ra-Hoor-Khuit.