Zen on a Mountain

planetsIn my recent blogs I began to describe the story of my awakening and a strange love story between myself and Aariel- one of the old Kia agents. Before moving onto the next bit I believe I need to make a small intermission. I have realised how difficult it is to describe your inner experiences to somebody from the “outside”. Each one of us is bound to have their own perception bias.

A few days ago I showed my articles to a “friend”. I call him a friend even though I am not sure what the right name for that person is. He’s a facebook friend, native to India but he uses westernised pseudonym John Joseph on facebook. I have no idea who he is or what he looks like. We’ve been in contact with each other for over a year. He’s a passionate practitioner of Tantra and that’s pretty much all I know about him. He rarely ever talks about himself and most of his contact with me constitutes of him sending me inspiring quotes and poems. I was curious to see what he was going to make out of my articles even though I knew he had no understanding of the western occult and magick. His response was somewhat surprising. I copied and posted a few lines:

“My first impression is that the experiences are sort of conditioned by some theological beliefs and pla6a8436f4477903b507d23191db90ee47y of the subconscious mind” and later “tantric experiences described by you seem to be more like western occultism! In the traditional Tantra, occultism is considered as a road block to further progress even if one develops such powers”.

Later he added that in the traditional Tantramost important are not just the practices but also the life and food style”.

Hahaha- this is such a typical situation for me. My path to the occult lead through Eastern philosophies. I arrived at Taoism when I was 15 and it totally transformed my way of thinking. Next one came shamanism (age 16) and only later Crowley and Thelema (age 19). A few years later I got interested in Buddhism and chaos magick (almost simultaneously), in my mid twenties

During my encounters with many western occultists I have always been surprised to see how their minds seemed conditioned into the western modes of thinking. Eastern thoughts are all about the movement, transformation, interplay of the opposing forces of nature. There are no clear boxes, no clear definitions of things. It’s like a dance. This is how I see my life- dance of joy and pain,  dance of the light and the darkness. All attempts to define myself always end in failure. I am not simply one thing or another. I am all things, the whole universe lives inside me. And yet to the Eastern mind I am a western occultist….at least my physical form is… This is yet another manifestation of karma. In the depth of depths, in the very core of ourselves we are all connected, we’re all parts of great web of universal consciousness. On the level of the mind and the human ego indexwe’re divided into different forms separate from each other. Every person you meet shows you a chunk of the universe, chunk of yourself that you have never seen before.

The world is your mirror. The mirror reflects yourself back at you in many new twisted forms. Whatever you see in the mirror it has been inside you all along. “The only zen you find on the mountain is the zen you bring with you”. The true zen, however lays in the valleys- where there is no climb, no goal and nothing to achieve. The obstacle is the path. Zen talks in the language of the paradox.

3 thoughts on “Zen on a Mountain

  1. Ha, ha ha! I find it really funny what he said. It’s so true! Doing Abramelin and practicing magick for all these years taught me that no amount of esp and other magic superpowers is worth a penny if you can not see through your own bs. I think that we really want and need the ‘wow’ factor in the West because we are condition to reject it out of hand. This is why I asked my HGA for some ‘fireworks’. I needed something that will politely masquerade as ‘evidence’. We constantly want validation. Something that others will be able to recognize and tell us ‘well done’.

    The way I see your story, and I enjoy reading it by the way, is that you experienced some very powerful emotions and they triggered what you perceived as an altered state of mind. The rest is poetry. I think the same can be said about my Abramelin blogs. The raw reality of the experience can only be contemplated in silence.

    Being able to control our lifestyle, what we eat, how we sleep, have sex, respond to others etc it’s incredibly difficult. Half the time we do not even think about it. During Abramelin I really gained a clear perspective on that. I understand the role of monastery much better. You need an environment that will support you in your choices. Western society doesn’t do that. That said, tantrics do not live in monasteries.

    If the ‘awakening’ and ‘illumination’ does not translates into solid changes in your life and behavior then all you get is a ‘wasted opportunity’. I do not mean to sound negative about it either. Sometimes it takes more than one go to be able to learn the lesson so nothing can be truly wasted. At least we can see what prevented us from integrating the insights and will be able to do it better the next time.

    We will always travel the spiral, no beginning no end, we have all we need.

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  2. Hahaha. Yes I agree with you. So far I only managed to describe first two weeks of my experience. It has changed my life and continues to do so but like you said- a raw experience can’t be explained in words.
    I am currently preparing a new blog about Dreamweaver and the Personal Myth.
    Storytelling is an art and I’m a storyteller. I pull bits of my memories and stick them together. Each story is a lie to some extent.
    Aariel and I wanted ours to be a fairytale. I promised him to write a book about us

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