In my recent blogs I began to describe the story of my awakening and a strange love story between myself and Aariel- one of the old Kia agents. Before moving onto the next bit I believe I need to make a small intermission. I have realised how difficult it is to describe your inner experiences to somebody from the “outside”. Each one of us is bound to have their own perception bias.
A few days ago I showed my articles to a “friend”. I call him a friend even though I am not sure what the right name for that person is. He’s a facebook friend, native to India but he uses westernised pseudonym John Joseph on facebook. I have no idea who he is or what he looks like. We’ve been in contact with each other for over a year. He’s a passionate practitioner of Tantra and that’s pretty much all I know about him. He rarely ever talks about himself and most of his contact with me constitutes of him sending me inspiring quotes and poems. I was curious to see what he was going to make out of my articles even though I knew he had no understanding of the western occult and magick. His response was somewhat surprising. I copied and posted a few lines:
“My first impression is that the experiences are sort of conditioned by some theological beliefs and play of the subconscious mind” and later “tantric experiences described by you seem to be more like western occultism! In the traditional Tantra, occultism is considered as a road block to further progress even if one develops such powers”.
Later he added that in the traditional Tantra “most important are not just the practices but also the life and food style”.
Hahaha- this is such a typical situation for me. My path to the occult lead through Eastern philosophies. I arrived at Taoism when I was 15 and it totally transformed my way of thinking. Next one came shamanism (age 16) and only later Crowley and Thelema (age 19). A few years later I got interested in Buddhism and chaos magick (almost simultaneously), in my mid twenties
During my encounters with many western occultists I have always been surprised to see how their minds seemed conditioned into the western modes of thinking. Eastern thoughts are all about the movement, transformation, interplay of the opposing forces of nature. There are no clear boxes, no clear definitions of things. It’s like a dance. This is how I see my life- dance of joy and pain, dance of the light and the darkness. All attempts to define myself always end in failure. I am not simply one thing or another. I am all things, the whole universe lives inside me. And yet to the Eastern mind I am a western occultist….at least my physical form is… This is yet another manifestation of karma. In the depth of depths, in the very core of ourselves we are all connected, we’re all parts of great web of universal consciousness. On the level of the mind and the human ego we’re divided into different forms separate from each other. Every person you meet shows you a chunk of the universe, chunk of yourself that you have never seen before.
The world is your mirror. The mirror reflects yourself back at you in many new twisted forms. Whatever you see in the mirror it has been inside you all along. “The only zen you find on the mountain is the zen you bring with you”. The true zen, however lays in the valleys- where there is no climb, no goal and nothing to achieve. The obstacle is the path. Zen talks in the language of the paradox.