Dreamweaver and Personal Myth

“Heaven and Hell are within us, all of the gods are within us. All the gods, all the heavens, all the worlds are within us”

ream is a personal experience of that deep, dark ground that is the support of our consciousness lives, and the myth is the society’s dream. The myth is the public dream and the dream is the private myth. If your private myth, your dream, happens to coincide with that of a society, you are in good accord with your group. If it isn’t you have an adventure in the dark forest ahead of you.”

Joseph Campbell

Each one of us lives and creates our personal myth- a story we tell ourselves about who we are and what we are doing in here. This story is like a collection, a kaleidoscope of our memories- the bits we pull out, pieces we stick together, a creation of our Inner Genius. Deep inside our heads, inside our subconscious minds and deeper still, in the unconscious, we hide our most precious gems. They visit us in our dreams and visions telling us stories about ourselves. We have a choice to share these stories with the rest of the world. This is a process of our own self’-creation.

Each one of us fights a battle within- a battle with our own bodies, trying to force ourselves to be what we want ourselves to be. This conflict is the source of our suffering and also a source of our inspiration.

Whatever we do in our everyday lives, our daily struggles and daily pleasures they all create our memories. Most of these memories are pushed back to the subconscious mind where they lay dormant until the time is right for them resurface. When they resurface tP1500028hey bring us a new story. This is what I call the Dreamweaver. The name itself came to me in a vision and there’s a story behind it as well. Only the time to tell that story has not arrived yet…

The reason I’ve decided to talk about the Dreamweaver now rather than later is mostly because I have realised that it is the crucial element of my magical practice.

In my recent blogs here and there I began to share the elements of my awakening story with you. I’ve realised now that I was actually creating a story rather than sharing it. Personal experience can not be shared or explained but it can be turned into a work of art and that’s precisely what I am doing in here- writing a story about myself and people surrounding me during the last year of my life. Hopefully my story will inspire you.

Zen on a Mountain

planetsIn my recent blogs I began to describe the story of my awakening and a strange love story between myself and Aariel- one of the old Kia agents. Before moving onto the next bit I believe I need to make a small intermission. I have realised how difficult it is to describe your inner experiences to somebody from the “outside”. Each one of us is bound to have their own perception bias.

A few days ago I showed my articles to a “friend”. I call him a friend even though I am not sure what the right name for that person is. He’s a facebook friend, native to India but he uses westernised pseudonym John Joseph on facebook. I have no idea who he is or what he looks like. We’ve been in contact with each other for over a year. He’s a passionate practitioner of Tantra and that’s pretty much all I know about him. He rarely ever talks about himself and most of his contact with me constitutes of him sending me inspiring quotes and poems. I was curious to see what he was going to make out of my articles even though I knew he had no understanding of the western occult and magick. His response was somewhat surprising. I copied and posted a few lines:

“My first impression is that the experiences are sort of conditioned by some theological beliefs and pla6a8436f4477903b507d23191db90ee47y of the subconscious mind” and later “tantric experiences described by you seem to be more like western occultism! In the traditional Tantra, occultism is considered as a road block to further progress even if one develops such powers”.

Later he added that in the traditional Tantramost important are not just the practices but also the life and food style”.

Hahaha- this is such a typical situation for me. My path to the occult lead through Eastern philosophies. I arrived at Taoism when I was 15 and it totally transformed my way of thinking. Next one came shamanism (age 16) and only later Crowley and Thelema (age 19). A few years later I got interested in Buddhism and chaos magick (almost simultaneously), in my mid twenties

During my encounters with many western occultists I have always been surprised to see how their minds seemed conditioned into the western modes of thinking. Eastern thoughts are all about the movement, transformation, interplay of the opposing forces of nature. There are no clear boxes, no clear definitions of things. It’s like a dance. This is how I see my life- dance of joy and pain,  dance of the light and the darkness. All attempts to define myself always end in failure. I am not simply one thing or another. I am all things, the whole universe lives inside me. And yet to the Eastern mind I am a western occultist….at least my physical form is… This is yet another manifestation of karma. In the depth of depths, in the very core of ourselves we are all connected, we’re all parts of great web of universal consciousness. On the level of the mind and the human ego indexwe’re divided into different forms separate from each other. Every person you meet shows you a chunk of the universe, chunk of yourself that you have never seen before.

The world is your mirror. The mirror reflects yourself back at you in many new twisted forms. Whatever you see in the mirror it has been inside you all along. “The only zen you find on the mountain is the zen you bring with you”. The true zen, however lays in the valleys- where there is no climb, no goal and nothing to achieve. The obstacle is the path. Zen talks in the language of the paradox.

Bliss of Divine Lovers

In my previous blog I began to describe the story of my awakening which took place over a year 559431653651575289_1407716052ago. I believe it is a valuable record of my personal journey and possibly an inspiration for other mages. Kundalini – (the secret Fire or the Serpent as some people call it) is one of those mysterious forces of nature never identified or explained by the modern science. As far as science is concerned kundalini doesn’t exist. And yet a direct experience of its power is totally undeniable. I have recently come across the book titled Biology of Kundalini but I had no chance to read it yet. I am going to continue my research into this phenomenon as it is an experience that have totally changed my life.

In my previous blog I began to describe my magical and unusual love story between myself and Aariel- one of the older Kia agents. I have only managed to describe the beginning of out story, the night I believe my awakening began. It is now time to mention another very important aspect of this story, something I feel you should know about…

Aariel’s personal connection with Kundalini

Aariel agreed to me sharing details of our story on Kia. I was really rather surprised since he couldn’t know or understand my personal perception bias. I will urge you all to remember that whatever I say about him it is my subjective impression and I can never be certain he would agree with it. The reason I decided to share his personal story is iris110because of its magical significance and all the synchronicties surrounding it.  I really hope he wouldn’t mind that.

Some of you who remember Aariel may also remember his claim he experienced kundalini awakening at the age of 16. He mentioned that a few times on Kia discussions. but I’m the only one who knows all the details:

At the age of 16, spring 2001 Aariel experienced first major breakup in his life*. After the breakup with his girlfriend and a few other misfortunes Aariel felt the need to isolate and spent many hours wandering outside in nature. He remembers feeling very peaceful and blissful in a strangely sad way.  One night he had a beautiful dream. He arrived at the bottom of a white tower. Rose petals were scattered at its bottom. A beautiful girl was awaiting him on the top. She introduced herself as his true love. Those of you who are familiar with Rosicrucianism and its alchemy are sure to recognize the symbols. I find it absolutely incredible to think somebody had a dream like that without any prior knowledge of them. The girl was an obvious symbol of Gnosis  or Sophia awaiting him. (Aariel developed interest in neoplatonism so I assume he figured this out although we never discussed it)

After he woke up from the dream Aariel was in a state of high ecstasy. His heart was filled with enormous bliss and he described it as an opening of his heart chakra. Aariel never heard about meditation before but he started to meditate spontaneously soon after he woke up, trying to hold this bliss inside him, trying to make it last. Soon after that he began to research occultism online and arrived at Qabalah and the Tree of Life. He continued his meditations daily. By the end of the summer his kundalini started to stir in his body. This is where everything went wrong. He experienced sensations of something crawling under his skin. In his own words he was too young and inexperienced to handle it. The creepiness of the experience was growing each day, turning into madness. He has never recovered. During our many conversations he admitted he was never able to come back to bliss from the summer 2001. He considered himself a flawed god, a wounded healer doomed for eternal suffering. This story is so magical and so sad, almost like a fairy tale of some kind…

I hope you’ll understand why I felt the need to share this with you! He was the first person I ever met who experienced awakening of the secret fire and my own fire awakened only weeks after he cast his  “love spell” on me. This is couldn’t be a coincidence!

My visions of the elf  from 2010 finally made some sense to me (look into my previous post in you can’t remember it ). The thing that strikes me the most is the elf’s mentioning he was going to lead me to the alchemical wedding. That’s another Rosicrucian term and I rarely use it in my daily practice. For the months to come Aariel and I often explored Rosicrucian symbolism as it kept coming back in odivine lovers2ur visions and dreams. Both Aariel and had slight aversion to Christianity so I am not sure why our minds decided to stick with these archetypes.

I’m not an expert on Quabalah but I know that the energies/emanations from the higher planes of the Tree of Life often get distorted when crossing beneath the Veil of Paroketh . I named this phenomenon a Dreamweaver, which is also a name of my personal magical system. I am hoping to explore it in my future writings. Dreamweaver comes to us in thousands of different forms and we can never be sure what their real identity is. The entities we meet in our visions and dreams can sometimes be actual deities in disguise or the spirits, sometimes they’re merely products of our imagination, sometimes both**. Messengers often use your surrounding as their communication tools. In case their tool is a mind of another person I believe this person should be treated with additional respect for allowing this. It is not uncommon for the medium to be unaware of the messages they channel. Either way they’re still a vital element of the process.

First Two Weeks of Awakening- the Bliss, Osiris and Isis

For the first two weeks of my awakening I was in a state of bliss unlike anything I have ever experienced. I felt as though I was floating in space, like I was a Star, a goddess, an ancient infinite being brought back from sleep. I was overpowered with joy and love for my new divine lover who has awakened me. Aariel himself was also really ecstatic. We often fell into deep trances during our conversations and it wasn’t too long before we visualised each other as divine lovers Osiris and Isis. It was absolutely mind blowing for me, especially after I obtained a copy of the Tantric Thelema book. I realized the book itself described a guided ritual- series of meditations spread over the course of weeks, maybe months. The ritual was designed around Thelemic core deities- Nuit- The Infinite Space and Hadit -the Inner Flame, Spark of Light. These two are seen as the divine lovers whom Sam Webster compared to Shiva and  Shiakti. And then there is Ra-Hoor-Khuit- the embodiment of the Holy Union of the lovers, the great warrior born when the Spark of Light ignites inside the Great Void- a highly Tantric and very sexual symbol indeed. Meditations described in Tantric Thelema prepare for the ritual of Arising as Ra-Hoor-Khuit.

I was stunned to discover all this. As I continued reading into the book and continued my meditations I often found myself ahead of time. I recognised the ritual as a variation of the I.A.O. formula, the first formula I have memorised and used in my magick. As it happens it was also Aariel’s favourite formula. Without any prior discussions we had visions of each other as Osiris and Isis- two mystics on their search towards enlightenment, both of us calling upon higher powers and then suddenly our calls have been answered somehow through each other. In Tantra it is a common practice to envision spiritual forces as your lovers. Rumi- one of the most famous Tantric mystics wrote many such ecstatic poems:

love-quotes-rumi jalal-ad-din-rumi-quote-the-minute-i-heard-my-first-love-story-i  love-cloud

The outside observer, especially unfamiliar with Tantra, could assume that Rumi’s lover is a human, most likely a woman he was in love with. That’s not true. His lover described in these poems is the Divine Realm. Aariel and I used a very similar style when talking to each other during these first few weeks. I remember feeling astonished as I am not usually a good poet. These words just came out of me somehow, spontaneously.

And then this strange idea came to my head: in the original myth of Osiris and Isis she brings him back to life. It made so much sense to me all of a sudden. I believed the whole purpose of myself and Aariel attracting each other was to help him complete the process of the kundalini rising.***

It was really mythical- I believed he awakened me with his mantra, calling for arrival of Sophia, his true love. At the same time I have already given permission for Tara to be my personal guide. I’ve described the nature of Tara before. She’s a Bodhisattva- an enlightened being prepared to teach and serve other sentient beings. Suddenly she became present in my conscious mind. I was overtaken by a deep wave of compassion  Even though I believed I have entered the eternal bliss I felt my joy would never be complete as long as other people were still suffering. I made a conscious decision to “go back to earth” to help him, as well as the others.

If everything turned out like I wanted it, and my love would have helped Aariel to recover that would have been a truly incredible story. Sadly this whole vision was a trick of the Dreamweaver, my fantasy. Just like Kiakitiki in 2010, Aariel disappeared from my life two months later. I have not heard from him since.

 

 

 

 

* Another synchronicity as it was exactly at that time – spring 2001 when I’ve experienced my first unfulfilled love and my first Tantric experience. Soon after I’ve entered the dark night of the soul. One day I may describe that story but i don’t believe it is necessary right now.

**The very nature of deities, angels etc. is a mystery to me. For a long time I believed them to be archetypes and I know that’s how Aariel saw them as well. In this context there is no difference between a “real” thing and an “imagined” thing since they’re both creations of  human minds. However my recent research and opinions gathered from the other mages made me wonder whether these entities have actual lives of their own. Following an example of Tara Berserkr – she originated as an abstract idea in my own head. She was totally made up to begin with. Now, over a year later she began a life of her own. It is possible that in a few years she’ll become as real as the human form she currently inhabits. There are times when I wonder if she was actually created by me. Is it possible she’s a live manifestations of some forces greater than myself? A voice from the Collective Unconscious? One of the translations of magical words Abracadabra is supposedly “I will create as I speak”. Words hold an undeniable power and the origins of human language are still a mystery.

*** I will need to come back to this term a bit later. In a meantime I encourage you to do some research of your own. Secret Fire is very dangerous and you need to be mentally prepared to face it. According to Aariel’s claims schizophrenia is a widely known side effect of unsuccessful attempt to harness the Serpent .